“How are you?” – is this a just a mere pleasantry or a sincere inquiry in pursuit of a true answer?
To ask, “How are you?” either makes for polite conversation or makes a person that isn’t feeling well and wants to hide it from you feel very awkward. What is the right question to ask or the appropriate thing to say when you know that a person is not fine or doing okay?
So, this got me thinking, do we need to ask better questions?
It seems to be the ‘norm’ or ‘expectation’ to say I am fine, I am ok, I am good even when you may not feel anything close to what you have just said!
But it’s no secret that we are all living in world where so much of what we know and do has changed. Given that almost every area of our lives has been touched, it is very, very normal to not feel fine, ok, or good. We need to stop fulfilling the expectation to say I am fine, when we don’t feel fine!
If you are not feeling fine, say you are not feeling fine. Don’t let the expectation of a polite answer prevent the possibility of truly engaging and expressing how you really, truly feel.
So today, I encourage you to go the extra mile to support and show a colleague, friend, family that you genuinely care for their emotional or psychological well-being, not just an attempt at a polite conversation, by start asking open questions that indicate you are open to having a deeper conversation.
So, instead of “How are you?” why not try the following:
- so, how are you coping?
- What’s your day been like so far?
- Are you still holding up okay?
- What’s been on your mind lately?
- How can I support you more?
- What help do you need?
In honour of World Mental Health Day, why not choose today to connect or engage with a colleague/friend and begin your conversations during this challenging period, by asking a sincere question that requests an honest response. An act of kindness we can spread to one another in these very changing times is to reassure colleagues, friends, family that they don’t have to pretend they’re ok when they are not.
But in the meantime, if you or a family member you know are struggling, stressed or just tired….contact me today.
You can also visit: www.mind.org.uk
PS: How are you?… is still a polite thing to ask! Sometimes, we just need to go further!
